Weddings in Islam
Islamic marriage combines two aspects of a single reality. The marriage ceremony (Nikkah) reflects these two facets.
The Inner Nature of Marriage
One aspect deals with the inner nature of marriage - the "why" of marriage - the deeper, less self-evident purposes of marriage. It is the intention that the man and woman make internally within themselves as they recite the marriage contract. This intention must be firm and clear and based upon the understanding of marriage as laid out in the Quruan: "It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) The male and female complete each other; together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together, as if they are one being, one person.
The Marriage Contract
The other is the legal side, which seeks to ensure a firm, non-sentimental approach to practical issues, which are necessary for a successful negotiation of the difficult path of marriage. It views marriage as a contract with attendant rights and obligations that the man and woman fulfill towards one another. It is in this contract that the man and woman can specify terms and conditions of the marriage, if they wish to. By making the practical side upfront and clear, there can be no misunderstandings at a later time. The words of the actual contract are as follows: The woman says: "I have made myself your wife and have accepted the mahr." Then the man responds: "I have accepted the marriage." It should be noted here that the act of marriage is in the hands of the woman, she is the one who does the giving; the man then accepts what she gives.
The Ceremony
The Nikkah or wedding ceremony can be conducted at the home of the bride or the groom, or at a wedding hall. A Maulvi (priest) in the presence of close family members and relatives conducts the ceremony. In orthodox Muslim communities, the men and women are seated separately. The 'Walis' (the father of the bride and of the bridegroom) play an important role in the ceremony. The Maulvi reads selected verses from the Quruan and the Nikkah is complete after the Ijab-e-Qubul (proposal and acceptance). The boy's side proposes and the girl's side conveys her assent. The mutual consent of the bride and groom is of great importance for the marriage to be legal.
It is through the Nikkah (and only through the Nikkah) that a man and woman become legally permissible to one another for the type of close and intimate relationship signified in marriage.
The Gift or Mahr
The mahr is a "free gift" that the man offers to the woman as a token of the seriousness of his intention and his love for her, that he sacrifices something of his substance to her as a gift that is hers to do with as she pleases. The mahr can range from something immaterial such as teaching a verse of the Quruan to his wife, to a ring, to property or money. The mahr is given to the bride, not her parents. The mahr is hers and hers alone and she may return all or a portion of it to her husband, if she so wishes or use it in whatever way she desires without pressure from the husband or either hers or his family.
