A Newlywed’s Perspective On Love Languages

A couple standing on a mountain with multiple rocks and trees.

I am, officially, what my husband and I refer to as a “quality-timer”. I am a hugger, too, but I am mostly a quality-timer. Is this sounding at all familiar to you? My honest guess is no, because we’ve officially translated more well-known terms into our own language (things like this seem to happen more and more lately. Just wait until we have kids. Or, you know, a dog. It’s going to be baby-talk all over the place.).

What I’m really talking about are love languages. Do you know what your “love language” is? I learned about these incredibly cool and seriously useful tools as a kid, secondhand from my parents who’d read a book called “The Five Love Languages,” so I’ve been familiar with the idea for a while. Still, this past year, I finally decided to seek out a copy of the book and do some reading of my own and, in the aftermath, I have one thing to say: so worth the time! Before I go any further, I promise that no one is paying me to say this, but if you’re looking for a way to better understand and better communicate with your spouse (or soon-to-be spouse!), this book needs to make your list.

Chapman, the author, has identified five different “languages” in which people give and receive love and affection and he breaks each of them down in the book – and then leaves you with a handy test at the end to help you identify your own mother tongue.

Seriously. What better way to work on (not to mention notch up the fun in!) your relationship than by finally figuring out that a hug makes your guy (or gal) feel more special than an “I love you” – or vice versa?

In our case, at least, it helped me realize that Shayne making an effort to change the oil in my car or help get dinner on the table (he’s an “Acts of Service” guy on the love language chart) is him telling me that he’s crazy about me! That’ll change your perspective on household chores, no doubt about it! And it let him know that me wanting to spend time together and do things was me being every bit as crazy about him.

That photo up there? The one heading up this post? That’s the other thing we learned about – speaking each other’s love languages instead of always chattering away in our own. And that hike, on a Saturday morning, with lots of conversation and time together? That was definitely Shayne speaking my language.

about the author
Anne Anne is a serial optimist and hopeless romantic living in a big red barn in Colorado with her husband Shayne. She loves black and white films and making messes in the kitchen and considers life wholly incomplete without a regular dose of dark chocolate.

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