Newlywed Perspective: The Value of Fun Time Apart

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Is it, in the great world of relationship dynamics, possible that, when you’re married or engaged, spending time apart is a good thing?

You may laugh at me now.

Because I really do know the answer (which is, by the way, yes). But I’ve always been one of those people who was never very good at that. Don’t get me wrong. I love my girlfriends (which is a term I’ve always considered to be reserved for use solely by aunts and my mother’s friends but am now learning is very useful in my own generation as well). Love them. They’re the ones I shop with, eat chocolate things with, discuss the merits of vegetarian cookbooks with and who – it must be admitted that I would never have discovered this one on my own – introduced me to the wonders of the pedicure.

It’s just that meeting my husband kind of rocked my world. In that oh-wow-you’re-my-best-friend-and-I-love-you-to-the-moon kind of way that pretty much just leaves you dizzy, happy and utterly content in a strangely heart-pounding way. And then I spent the next three and a half years never wanting to leave his side.

Fortunately, the feeling seems to be mutual.

But, lately, even through the cozy pink haze that surrounds life these days, it has been dawning on both of us that perhaps girl time (and its counterpart, guy time) are things we should still value and, subsequently, invest in. Like going to see that movie with my female bestie, even if it is one that Shayne would be willing to drive to and sit through. Or for him to head over to a friend’s house to watch the basketball game even if he knows I’d be more than happy to watch it with him.

Why did no one tell me I should be practicing this skill all along? The whole spending-time-with-other-people thing? Oh wait…they probably did and I couldn’t hear it through the heart-shaped earplugs in my ears!

It turns out that this is all okay, though. Because, although we haven’t quite managed to make ourselves sick of each other yet, spending time apart means that I’m just that much more excited about the time that we spend together! And that we’re even more careful about the time that we do have – the way we treat each other in it, the way we work to love each other better.

I’d say that someone should have added that one to the list of things I needed to know. That girl time would result in better husband and wife time. But I think if I really thought about it, I’d remember that I’d heard that one before, too. Good thing it finally made its way through the haze.

about the author
Anne Anne is a serial optimist and hopeless romantic living in a big red barn in Colorado with her husband Shayne. She loves black and white films and making messes in the kitchen and considers life wholly incomplete without a regular dose of dark chocolate.

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