I remember once reading a magnet on a friend’s refrigerator that read: “Happiness in marriage is when both people feel they are with someone they didn’t deserve.” It is such a nice and sweet sentiment – I even remember looking at my friend’s parents and debating in my mind who didn’t deserve whom at the time.

And if you were to come visit us, you would find a magnet we received as a gift from the Ashers, specifically for our first refrigerator, with a solid quote from the Bible that simply says: “Love never fails.”

Both of these thoughts, in the form of refrigerator wisdom, were dancing in my mind a few nights ago as our marriage seemed neither happy nor free of failing.

As I folded towels that I had left out thinking Ryan would fold them, I thought back to the magnet I read years ago in my friend’s kitchen. With each towel I folded in perfect fury, I mumbled to myself something along the lines of, “So what kind of marriage do you have when one person thinks they’re doing more than the other?”

I then proceeded to walk right in front of Ryan, sighing so much louder than necessary (yes, I was that annoying person) to draw attention to my linen masterpiece, while he looked neither impressed nor sorry for me.

Fast forward 12 hours and I am eating my breakfast while watching “Saved By The Bell” (I am so grateful to TBS for allowing me to start my mornings off with Zack, Kelly, and the whole gang at Bayside High). I look outside to see Ryan struggling with all of the trash and see a look on his face, which resembles the one my face was wearing the night prior with my stack of towels. It was in this moment that I realized that he, too, would be okay purchasing my psudeo-magnet that reads:

Marriage is actually more like when both people feel as if the other one isn’t doing as much as they are.

It was also in this moment that my heart softened and I realized we are both doing our best. In the nine months I’ve been married to Ryan Shippy, I have seen him work harder and do more for us than I honestly EVER imagined. I know he has my best interests at heart and so my realization has to come in accepting that he may NEVER notice when I leave towels in a basket for him to fold.

Or maybe he saw the towels, recognized that he only uses one every two weeks compared to my two a day and left them for me.

Figuring out who does what and feeling like everyone is equally contributing is not easy. I’ve suggested a chore wheel, but Ryan was not quite on board with that brilliant idea… yet! When we completely get this figured out and are no longer sighing loudly while doing our chores, I promise I will post the revelation that works (I’m pretty sure it will either involve my chore wheel idea OR a maid, but I’ll get back with you either way).

In the meantime, here is what I’ve decided. Marriage may be everything those happy magnets say, but there is always a sticky side. (WHAT!? I’m a writer – I can use puns if I want.)

Now maybe no one makes magnets that say that often marriage feels like one person is doing more, but I do believe that for every fridge with a happy marriage magnet, there is a wife or husband that could tell more to the story.

For me, it was really big to realize that maybe I AM doing more towel folding, but I also use more towels. And maybe I never would leave our strawberry pretzel dessert out on the counter all day, but honest to goodness, Ryan walked me through his morning and somehow he never saw that 9 x 13 pan sitting on the counter. Lord help us both, when our home is over 1000 square feet – who knows what will be out of my Shippmate’s path then?

Okay, I’m kidding. I mean, I am not kidding that the strawberry pretzel amaziness was ruined, but my point is this – someone probably is doing more than you think on any given day. No magnet warned you, but it’s probably true.

Since my revelation in the form of towels and trash, when I’ve started to think I’m the one doing more, I think about all of the things Ryan has done that I didn’t see. I think about how hard he works at his job. I think about the fact I have the sweetest kittens ever because of him. And then I sigh really loud, text a friend what a hard working wife I am, and I go on about my folding.

And then sweet surprises happen over our favorite pizza when Ryan hands me HIS last piece of crust (our favorite part!!!) and insists I eat it even though I KNOW he wants it, too.

Marriage isn’t fair. And sometimes it’s about chores. And other times it’s about the last piece of crust. Chores or pizza crust – there is no one I’d rather be figuring all out with than my Shippmate. (Okay, so maybe my Shippmate and a maid?)