One of the most frequent questions we get asked is what our last name is going to be now that we are married. Are we combining last names to create a new one? Is Deborah taking my last name or vice versa? Our decision took about three minutes. We are hyphenating. We couldn’t think of a decent combo-name, and both of us love our last names too much to give them up! The hyphen seemed like a great compromise. The question was and still is – are we legally going to change our last names to include the hyphen?

Geez, I wish I could tell you. We want to change our names to somehow legally acknowledge that we are married, but the process is a little more complicated (and expensive) than we initially expected. I have been looking into the necessary protocol for a month now, and I am still just as confused as when I started out on my knowledge adventure.

Our first stop was this super cool website called MrsNowMrs, which allows you to input all of your information and it then fills out the nessecary forms for you. Then the site helps you file the forms to legally change your name. It is pretty great, and they are very LGBT friendly. I couldn’t find the necessary forms for Texas same-sex couples, so I emailed their web support and got an email within 24 hours:

Unfortunately, we cannot assist you with your name change due to government regulations. Since you reside in a state that does not recognize your marriage you cannot obtain a name change going through the married name change process. You will need to obtain a legal name change through your local county court system in order to change to your new married name. Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to assist you!

They were really nice, but legalities are legalities. So, with the new found knowledge that we had to go through the county clerk system I took my search to Google.

Google is a big giant rabbit hole filled with scam sites and mounds of frustration, and our county clerks website isn’t exactly a fount of information. But I prevailed! I can fill out the required paperwork on legalzoom.com for a whopping $139 each (more than our power of attorney, by the way) and then we have to pay the county a $222 court fee. We aren’t sure if we get to file together or separately, so for a sum total of $500-722 plus a few weeks to a few months for the paperwork, Deborah and I can legally hyphenate our names.

With our bank accounts rebounding from the wedding, we don’t really have the money to pay for this at the moment. It sounds silly, but we changed our names on Facebook and all of our friends have us hyphenated on all of their contact lists. For the time being, this is okay. Not ideal, but it is something.

Ultimately, we want to have our names legally changed, but if it is this much hassle to just have our dang names changed then what about tax forms? Future big purchase items like cars or a house? Is it easier to just be known to our friends and family as our hyphenated last names and keep them non-hyphenated until we live in a state that legally recognizes our marriage?

Kelly runs So You’re EnGAYged, one of the best same sex marriage resources out there. Filled with real weddings, DIY ideas, and LBGT-friendly vendors, it also features a host of guest bloggers (male and female) offering their perspectives on everything wedding-related.

Photo by Katherine O’Brien Photography