Today’s post is one of a different kind.  Most of the posts I write here are without prompting.  Meaning for the past year it’s been my job to give you a perspective on what happens as the tab you will find all of my past blogs archived under:  “life after.”  This week, the assignment was to present to you 5 things I know now that I did not know before getting married. 

My first few reactions to this assignment were:
1. It seems like every week I write about something new I have learned. Which ones were the most important?

2. And then I asked several of my newlywed friends and my favorite response that I heard from several of them was:

“Yeah… the things you really want to tell them, you won’t be able to write about publicly.”

HA!  Nothing to scare you delightfully engaged ones like a comment such as that one.  Don’t be scared, just jump in a tube in the lazy river with your best married friend and she’ll fill you in on what we mean about that.

3. And then I asked my favorite friend that has been married longer than I’ve known of a Ryan Shippy and she said:

“How in the world are you supposed to answer that question after ONE year of marriage?? After one year of marriage I knew: I hate marriage. LOL.  Luckily we made it through!”

This response made me laugh.

It also reminded me that prior to getting married, I was full on prepared for the first year to be a living hell.  I feel like I heard so often how the first year is so hard and it’s the worst year and you will fight and be miserable and it will be war, etc. to the point that I guess I entered with my boxing gloves up and ready to take on this thing of doom called: The. First. Year.

And bless every living soul (including my parents!) that prepared me this way, because when we got to June 25, 2011, I turned around, looked back and thought, “What!?  That was a million times closer to heaven than hell!”  Which very may well be because my expectations were set lower than normal, but honest to goodness- if the first year is as hard as it gets, Shippmate- we’re on board for smooth sailing from here!

My friend’s remarks concerning me telling you what I know now made me realize that I really probably do not know enough to be in charge of this kind of wisdom, so read all of this for what it can be worth as a wife that was just a bride almost a year ago to the day!

1.Sometimes no one is right and no one is wrong.  And I still have not fully grasped this.  And I still want to call someone (a counselor, a dictionary, my dad, a witness!!!) every time we get stuck in the place where neither of us is wrong and neither of us is right.

2. Your husband is not a girl.  And if you chose to marry a man based on manly characteristics you loved upon meeting him (ie: his ability to grow a beard and build fence) then it’s really not fair to be mad he is also all that is man in terms of closet disorganization or lack of interest in The Bachelor.

3.  How you were raised absolutely will affect your marriage.  Good and bad.  This is one everyone told me before I was married, but you just cannot understand it until you’re staring at each other saying, “Nooo- that is sooooo not normal.”  And realizing how very very fluid of a concept the word “normal”can be!

One year in and I still sometimes want to assume the immaculate way my parents kept our house clean is what everyone does.  When it’s all you’ve known for the first quarter of a century of your life, it really does start to become what you assume is the norm.

My best advice with this realization is to recognize this truth, accept it, and with kindness and sincerity begin to define normal for your new family. 

4. A year ago, I would not have predicted the intense friendship Ryan and I have developed.  Over the Fourth of July, we attended several events with family and friends. Each of those fun and festive events involved big groups of people in conversations, and I honestly cannot accurately count the number of times that someone would say something and Ryan and I would simultaneously exchange a look that only we understood.  Upon leaving one of the parties, Ryan quoted a line from a movie that I promise no one else in the world has every noticed and I knew exactly what he was referencing.  Something about that kind of connection is just super sweet.

5. I had no idea the sheer joy it would be living together.  Sure, there are things we’ve yet to figure out (ahem, The Chore Wheel) but 96% of the time, it makes me the most giddy girl in the world just being in our home, candles lit, kittens everywhere. Basically, just sharing a home with my best friend.  I had no clue how awesome that would be.

Ryan-Happy one year to you and most of all, thanks for being my person to go to Applebees with.