Wedding Ideas and Inspiration Blog

Posts tagged etiquette

Tips from William for Creating the Perfect Guest List

black-white-wedding-guest-suit-laughing-annahardy Creating a working guest list is vital to any wedding plan, large or small. It will help you make educated decisions and keep your budget in check.

After considering your budget and determining your venue capacity, you can approximate the number of guests you can invite. Assume that, in most cases, around 20% of the list declines. Bride, groom and parents of both should decide how many each group can invite; typically, one can divide the allotment into thirds with the bride and groom as one set, the bride’s parents as another, and the grooms parents as the final set. It should be up to the bride and groom respectively to manage their own parents’ lists. If, for instance, the groom’s father wants to invite 50 more people than the budget or venue will allow, there is a problem. The groom should handle the situation with his family.

Deciding who to invite should be a genuine gesture not an obligation so be sincere when selecting the special people who will share in your day. You will want to really dig deep when it comes to friends and acquaintances to make sure you’re inviting the right people.

Here are few practical pointers to help decide who is going to be on your list.
•   Budget and venue capacity is first and foremost – can we afford them and do they fit?
•   Is this person a close or casual friend?
•   Will you ever spend quality time or see the person after the wedding?
•   Are we just inviting them to be nice or do we really want them at our wedding?
•   Did they invite us to their wedding?
•   Will they add life to my celebration?

After careful consideration of these issues, you should be able to form the “A” list. If forming a “B” list is necessary, tread lightly to be sure their invites do not arrive too late; invites should go out approximately two months for in-state weddings and three months for destination weddings. As rejections arrive you can begin sending invitations to names from the “B” list, if necessary. This is a practical method to managing your list, but should be done so discreetly. Therefore, be considerate and make sure the “B” list invites don’t go out too obviously late.

With proper list building your wedding can be a joyous celebration. Careful selection of loved ones who want to share in your special day can create a harmonious and blissful experience for everyone involved.

Have a burning question about your big day? Send it to us at: info@mywedding.com or tweet it or Facebook us!

Photo by Anna Hardy Photography. To see the rest of Tom and Lisa’s shoot, click here.

William Talks Wedding Invitation Protocol with Children and Families

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How do I deal with family members who will try to make my wedding day about them?!! I know my family and I know this is going to happen! -Robyn Rosenberg

Dear Miss Rosenberg,
You are completely and totally in the driver’s seat for the planning of your special day. Even if family members try to impose their wishes upon you, ultimately all decisions are yours. Planning a wedding can be very stressful and you should choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff.Having said that, you should also keep an open mind to suggestions. They may actually be positive or could help you add a personal touch you would not otherwise have thought of.

How do you say no to children at the ceremony without being rude? -Elizabeth Seay

Dear Miss Seay,
The little ones are often a point of contention for most weddings. Typically the way the invitation is addressed should be enough. For example if the invite does not say “and children” then the understanding is they are not invited. If you need to be more obvious however, you could include an insert in your invitations, politely requesting the little ones be left at home.Another alternative would be to offer sitters or a kids area for those guests who do not have other options.

Whether it’s wedding etiquette questions, info on the latest styles and trends, or timeless advice, our in-house wedding designer William has the answers. Have a burning question about your big day? Send it to us at: info@mywedding.com or tweet it or Facebook us!

Photo by Maggie Heinzel-Neel. You can see more of her photos in Rachel and Darren’s wedding here.

William Fogler Talks Eco-Conscious Thank You Cards

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What is the talk about going “green” when it comes to thank you cards? I just did thank you cards for my engagement party and it feels like a big waste of paper to do what a lovely email would also accomplish. Thoughts?
- Erika Schwalb, Facebook fan.

Dear Miss Schwalb,While I appreciate your eco-conscious thinking, nothing compares to a handwritten thank you note. It may seem like this formality doesn’t matter in our era of digital convenience, but it most certainly does.
There are plenty of sustainable alternatives to show your guests you truly care about them as well as the environment. Some suggestions are:

- using recycled paper for printing
- adding a “Please Recycle” symbol to the card
- selecting a postcard-style note to use less paper
- sending a photo, which also acts as a keepsake

My favorite alternative currently is using seed paper, which can be planted and used to grow something beautiful, reminding guests of your special day.Have a burning question about your big day? Send it to us at: info@mywedding.com or tweet it or Facebook us!

William Fogler with Seating Card Ideas for Your Reception

Assigned seating is a special touch that takes a little effort but shows your guests you care; by taking the guesswork out of where to sit you give everyone comfort in knowing you took the time to properly place them. And, by selecting your guests’ seats you can play matchmaker with your single guests, give sports fanatics the chance to rally with one another, and help bring the timid out of their shell.

If you decide to assign your guests to tables consider these guidelines for a well-organized escort table:
- Select an easy to read font or script.
- Make sure the cards are alphabetized.
- Position the table in an easily accessible location.
- Consider a theme.
- Have fun with the design!

Final tip: Remember to make the table user friendly and place it in a well-lit spot so guests can read their names easily.

To get you inspired, here are a few examples of unique approaches to the traditional escort table.

Embroidered Napkins
We personalized and hem stitched napkins as place cards (and blew the minds of everyone at this destination wedding). Each guests’ napkin was embroidered with their name to take home as a wonderful keepsake from this amazing weekend long event. placesetting-amber-wood-flower-139488
Silver Bud Vases
For this wedding, bud vases were tagged with each guest’ seating arrangement, which complimented the centerpiece design at their table. At the end of the event elegant gift boxes were distributed so guests could easily take home their sparkling new vessel. tall-vase-green-flower-placecards-139488
Leaf Design
For this romantic, garden-inspired wedding, names were written on real leaves, which guests then literally “picked” from the vine in order to find their seats. reception-flower-chandelier-lights-139488
Modern Flare
For this sleek and modern wedding design, the seating cards floated above the bride and groom’s names on the dance floor. floating-placecards-white-dark-139488
Mountain Chic
To reflect this fashionista bride who was having a destination wedding in the Rockies, seating cards were hung from an Aspen tree in precious little purses. seeds-ornament-gift-pink-139488
Selecting your guest seats is a detail that really shows your guests that you care about them. Your guests’ comfort is the ultimate goal and, believe me, their enjoyment at your event makes all your planning worthwhile.

William’s Advice on How to Build Your Guest List

Your guest list is one of the most important aspects of starting to plan your wedding. I recommend building your list before you make any big decisions as the number of guests you invite will affect your budget, venue selection and overall style of your wedding.

Here are a few tips to think about as your start building your list:
-Decide who you cannot imagine being without on your big day. And equally as important, decide who will definitely not be invited. These two opposing sets of names will help you pare down your guests right away.

-Determine a target number from the start. This projected total should be based upon a mutual agreement between you and your groom. If you both always dreamed of a small intimate wedding, this is the time to set that plan in motion. With a goal set for the final number, you will easily be able to determine how many people each party (do not forget to include your parents’ lists, if applicable).

-Set parameters for yourself and your family. For example, perhaps you might decide not to invite coworkers or children. Additionally, let your parents know their invite limit and then give them the space to decide who to put on it.

-Lastly, build your list from your heart and not from simple consideration. The guests at your wedding should be those you truly enjoy and those with whom you want to share your special day.

Photo by Paige Elizabeth.

Newlywed Perspective: Anne Tackles Her Thank You Notes

This past weekend, we received another wedding gift.

Which is awesome. And surprising. And still awesome. Awesome because these gifts make Shayne and I feel incredibly loved and supported by our friends and family. Surprising because we’ve been married for almost three months now.

Still, the real reason I’m telling you about this gift is that it has one very, very important item associated with it: a thank you note.

Ah, the thank you note. Such an incredibly small and still so crucial item, the thing that lets the people who are busy loving on you know that you are loving on them back, that you acknowledge their love and that you appreciate it.

But how, I ask you, are they so time-consuming? We’re all busy here. You’re planning your wedding (venues, dresses, food!) and I’m perpetually running around like a headless chicken (somehow) and I timed myself once and it took me a half an hour to write four thank you notes.

I promise I have a normal IQ.

(It also, while we’re discussing the relationship between time and thank you note writing, took me about two months to convince Shayne that no, he could not keep watching baseball on TV unless he could simultaneously write his thank you notes. We determined, three innings and one note later, that he in fact could not multi-task on this one.)

I’m not here to complain about the length of time it takes to write a thank you note. I’m here, strangely enough, to champion the thank you note – and especially the one that takes a minute longer to write (unless you’re watching baseball while you write it. Then all bets are off.).

This summer, Shayne and I attended several weddings – some of very close friends, some on the “acquaintance” level. And, at each wedding, we gave the bride and groom a gift. And, as a result, we received a thank you note.

And, boy, oh boy, were they strung all across the spectrum. We remember, with a smile, the note that almost, if you really looked closely, could have been a fill-in-the-blank produced by a robot (or a bride in a thank you note induced coma), and we also remember the note we received from a distant cousin that made us feel like they really liked our gift.

Which, of course, made us feel special. Everybody likes to feel special.

I know our own thank you notes probably spanned the same exact spectrum. Sometimes it’s hard to explain why exactly this particular place setting is so great, or to keep up the excitement when you’ve written 17 thank you notes and your hand feels like it’s never going to recover. But it’s worth it, remembering the thank you notes that we’ve received over the years, to try. And on that note, I’m going to go get my hand warmed up and whip this one out. Smiley faces, exclamation points and “LOVE” stamp included.

Maybe I’ll drink some coffee first.

P.S. This photo? Possibly the aftermath of our wedding-present-unwrapping. And the aftermath of that? Lots of quality time spent writing thank you notes on the couch. Turns out that Friends is the best way to multi-task. Just so you know.