I recently heard about a new “trend” in weddings that made my Emily Post-reading, charm-school graduate (yes, it’s a real thing) self literally say the words “Well, I never!”

Apparently, some brides are finding it necessary to send a “Don’t Save the Date” to people they plan NOT to invite to the wedding. Ladies, let’s have a chat.

It goes without saying this is beyond tacky—andyet, with social media connecting us to people we haven’t personally interacted with in years, we readily admit that pulling off a small “family-only” wedding is tough! People can feel like they have the right to celebrate your day with you. If you’re already in the midst of planning, you’ve probably begun tough process of creating your guest list  and know that difficult decisions are made based on budget, location and frankly, how close you feel to certain people. While it might feel harsh or unfriendly to leave people out, assume that potential guests will simply know via mutual friends or the Interwebs that not everyone is invited to your wedding. The majority will be completely understanding.

Our suggestion for politely declining guests if you need to? Wait until they ask you directly about the wedding in person or via email. Then, it’s perfectly appropriate to say something along the lines of “Thank you so much for the well-wishes! We are truly excited about our wedding day, and we’ve chosen to have a small wedding and limit the guest list to family only (or family and a few close friends). We appreciate your friendship, and hope you understand.” What you don’t need to do is over-explain your choices! The budget, venue and size of your wedding is not up for discussion or debate with anyone but your soon-to-be-spouse, so don’t feel the need to justify your decision if pressed.

Photo Credit: QuidProQueaux