Maybe you’ve read Melissa’s post on this site regarding wedding stresses. She makes some wonderful points and has some wonderful tips (as always). However, let's remember that Melissa is a woman and there is a reason the word "Bridezilla" exists – women genuinely stress out more over wedding planning. I’d cite you some scientific journal or refer you to some lengthy article in Wikipedia – but I’m not about flaunting unnecessary academic niceties, please forgive me. I swear the majority of you would definitely agree that the planning process of a wedding does have an exponentially greater effect on a bride’s blood pressure as compared to the groom.
But what about the groom? Not too many people talk about what stresses the husband-to-be might be having. Save Mom and Aunt Frannie, the modern day groom is largely ignored in the public discussion about wedding stress. Don’t believe me? Try this, go to Google, type in "Bridezilla" – how many hits? More than 300,000 right? Now let’s try the groom. Go back to Google and type . . . . type what? A stressed out groom hasn’t really entered the pop culture wedding lexicon yet. So let’s make up our own. Bridezilla derives from Godzilla . . .what’s a good monster that pairs well with Godzilla and can be morphed with the word "groom" . . . how about Frankenstein? That works. OK, humor me here, type in "Frankengroom" . . . how many hits did that get, maybe 20? How about "Groomstein" . . . even less? You better believe it – the only reference Google finds out there concerning Groomstein is some article on the "Skeletal Rearrangements of Organoalkali Metal Compounds." Yikes.
I’d say it’s fairly clear that not a lot of discussion is going on concerning groom stress. However, I have absolutely no doubt it exists. I also tend to think because groom stress is not discussed, the ailment goes unnecessarily uncured. I’m here to help change that. Over the next several months, I’ll write some posts concerning the stresses faced by grooms and add a little advice on how to deal with the stress. Basic psychology textbooks will tell you that the first step in solving a problem is identifying the problem. So, to end this article, let me give you my Top 4 list of stresses faced by grooms (Why only four? Because I have issues with the number five):
(1) Mother-In-Law
Groom stress over a mother-in-law can work havoc on a guy’s wedding day blood pressure. Basically, if someone could invent an "Invisible" button that a groom could press every time he sees his mother-in-law before, during and after the wedding, you’d make billions. This is kind of akin to the bull in the china shop syndrome – that is, if a bride’s mother has invested a lot of time (and perhaps money) into helping her daughter plan the perfect day – the last thing the future husband wants to do is wreck it.
(2) Performance Anxiety
A touchy subject to be sure – but making the wedding night full of sexual fireworks can weigh heavily on a groom’s mind. Part of the problem is the common misconception that if that first night isn’t 100% perfect, the marriage will eventually fail. Talk about pressure!
(3) The Ring
Grooms lose sleep over messing up the ring ceremony. Seriously, whether the fear is about having the ring bearer swallow the ring by accident, having your drunk best man drop the ring in the toilet, having the ring spontaneously explode, or having the bride figure out that fools gold is not the latest fad in wedding ring fashion, a groom can seriously stress himself out over the fate of the ring.
(4) The Kiss
"When Father Dinglehoof says, 'You may now kiss the bride', will I or won’t I end up giving her tongue . . . should I?"
During the wedding ceremony, Mr. Groom’s mind may definitely wander to this topic. Heck, he may have been obsessing on it for months. It can get bad enough that the groom will outthink himself and end up just giving the bride a peck on the cheek. Don’t worry, as I’ll talk about later, there’s a simple solution for this.
So there you have it, my top four groom stresses. I know there are tons more out there, but finding out how to deal with these four is a good start. As I said, stay tuned - solutions to these stressors will be revealed in the months to come.
Actually, come to think of it, while I'm busy typing up those future articles, here’s a little fun "relationship-building" homework you can do. Sit down with your fiancée (No. 2 pencils in hand) and write down your own Top 4 Lists (or 5, or 10, whatever number pleases you) of the stresses you both think you’ll be feeling during the wedding. If nothing else, it’ll at least get you talking. That's 1/2 the battle, right?
Cheers.
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