Question:
Dear Nicole,
Help! My future mother-in-law wants to invite 50 guests to our intimate 80-guest wedding. Considering she has paid for half of the wedding, I think she is entitled to invite some of her friends, but not over half of the guest list! Any time my fiancé' and I approach this subject with her, she gets defensive and feels hurt. I don't know what to do. Whose wedding is this anyway?
Rebecca from Oregon
Response:
Dear Rebecca,
I understand your concern, and ultimately it is your wedding. Here are my suggestions: First, consider this an opportunity to establish healthy boundaries and communication with your future MIL. Get together with your future hubby and define your bottom line--the number of guests your MIL can invite that will still leave you feeling good. The way to tell if you've got the right number is to ask yourself if you feel any resentment. When you feel no resentment you have your bottom line. Next, arrange a time to meet with her and let her know how much you appreciate her help with the wedding. Tell her you understand how important it is that her friends are present at the wedding. Next, let her know how important it is to you and future hubby that you keep the guest list to minimum to ensure maximum intimacy. When telling her the number of guests she can invite, leave a little room for negotiation. Agree on a number that you both feel good about. Then most importantly, LET IT GO. Holding on to any anger, resentment, or guilt will only cause future problems. Stay strong and hold your line while letting her know how much you appreciate and love her. Being honest and open will set a positive tone for future dealings with your MIL.
For Better or Worse,
Nicole {Matrimonial Maven}
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