Wedding Blog

There can be more to this decision than meets the eye. If you're marrying at a young age, your friends may still be bubbling with excitement at the possibility of walking down the aisle ahead of you, proudly swooshing their pink taffeta bows for the groomsmen in a not-so-subtly flirtatious manner. (Hint: This works, but no swooshing or elaborate effects are necessary; the booze at the reception will work its magic without any assistance…all the bridesmaids have to do is remain in sight.) On the other hand, if you're -ahem- a more mature bride, you may notice that your buddies seem to have headed for the hills after the engagement. But isn't being asked to be a member of the wedding party an honor? Well, yes…and no. More accurately, it is an honor that comes with responsibility and expense; the fiscal and practical investments of which vary from bride to bride. Consider the following guidelines when determining who to ask to be in your wedding party, and be sure to let them know well in advance of the big day so that they have time to plan accordingly. Also, please note that while I refer mostly to the bride, all of these factors apply equally to grooms choosing groomsmen.

• Size Matters.
  …That's the size of the wedding, of course. More guests usually means a larger wedding party, although there is no hard and fast rule for the numbers here, and I have seen anywhere from one to 12. Traditionally, if the bride has sisters they will serve as her attendants, as well as any other particularly close female relatives of either the bride or groom, and also close friends of the bride. This can get somewhat complicated with families that include various half and step siblings, and it can tend to balloon once friends are included also. Before you know it, everybody at your wedding will be standing at the front with you! For this reason, you must decide on your own where to make the cut.
• Who will take charge?
  It is a good idea to have at least one member of your wedding party be the take-charge type who will accept and delegate various responsibilities effectively. You know that great friend who always managed to keep track of everyone during a wild night out in college, and still makes an effort to get you all together every now and again for a girls' night? She's your lady. Also, keep in mind that bridal showers and other parties are usually thrown by a non-relative, which is another reason to have a well-organized friend on your team.
• Consider Expense and Geography.
  While there are creative ways to get away with a lot of the wedding hullabaloo on a budget, the fact of the matter is that being a member of the bridal party requires some expense beyond what a regular guest incurs. For this reason, you may want to think twice before asking friends who are scattered geographically, or who you know are a little short on cash at the moment. This is not to say that these should be eliminating factors, but they should give you cause to consider whether this person might be happier without being expected to organize and travel to various parties, and buy a new fancy getup for the event…even though every bride promises that her bridesmaids will be able to wear the dress again and again. By the way, my closet's full of these false hopes, every one of them worn just the once.
• Don't fall prey to guilt or excessive family obligation.
  While it's true that both of your families should be made to feel important on your wedding day, don't feel pressured to include every second cousin that you met once in your wedding party. Guilt, the unpleasant strong-arm of family pressure, should not be a factor in your decision, either: Don't let your mother-in-law (story in a moment) or anybody else coerce you into including somebody that you otherwise wouldn't have. One person, who shall remain nameless (see previous parenthetical reference, Detective Reader), actually asked me point blank if her six-year-old stepdaughter could be our flower girl… in front of the child. I had already asked the daughter of a very close relative to be the flower girl, so as you can imagine it was an awkward moment for everyone except the bulldozer doing the asking.
• Non-Traditional Wedding Party? No problem.
  These days, the bride and groom often have close friends of the opposite sex that they want to stand with them at the altar. You can either swap some spots (put a couple of your guy buddies on his side, and a couple of his female pals on yours), or have members of both sexes on either side. There is no rule here, so do whatever you like. Also, there is no reason that there has to be an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, so don't feel like you have to pad your side if he has six brothers and four best friends, while you prefer to have only your two closest girlfriends by your side. Feel free to mix it up into whatever configuration suits you best!