Here are the next two questions Anne and Ethan were asked by the minister who put them through their rigorous premarital counseling course. They admitted to me after the initial excitement about taking this step toward marriage wore off, the questions became a little harder to answer. If you didn't catch the first two questions, check them out!
3. Does my fiancé display controlling or smothering behavior?
Anne: Ethan has no trouble relinquishing control in most situations, except when he's in front of the TV or behind the wheel. He hogs the remote like it's been welded to his hand, and can flip from Lifetime to ESPN to the Discovery channel (in order to sabotage use of the 'last channel' button to trace his steps) faster than you can say, "Were you just watching a Lifetime movie?" Also, like a typical guy, he refuses to stop to ask for directions in any situation. This would be ok if his sense of direction was any good, but his inner compass is dyslexic!
Ethan: When we have an issue to discuss or a serious decision to make, Anne wants to talk about it to death. How do you FEEL, how do I FEEL, how do we FEEL as a couple, etc. Sometimes I want to tell her that I FEEL like I'm tired of exploring my inner child, and I want a cold beer. I recognize that her intentions are good, but it can FEEL a little bit smothering when I'd rather not discuss a topic anymore, and am ready to fast-forward to the make-up sex…which is the case pretty much as soon as she tells me we need to talk. But she's the reason our communication is so good and I know that's an integral part of a healthy marriage, so I guess I should just shut up - or rather speak up - and FEEL when she tells me to.
*Note: If your fiancé does exhibit controlling behavior that is serious in nature and beyond the boundaries of humor, this is an important issue to examine. It can be a sign of a potentially abusive relationship.
4. Is my fiancé unable to hold a job?
Anne: Not even close. Ethan has been with the same company since college graduation. Thankfully he enjoys his work, even though the title 'financial analyst' doesn't exactly bring you to the edge of your seat wondering what his typical day is like. I never thought I'd fall for one of those wall-street types, but I like to think of Ethan as my own male version of the sexy librarian who whips off his glasses and lets his hair down (figuratively of course; long hair wouldn't fly with the other suits), when he's not in the office. Not only can he hold a job, I think he'd have to work really hard to shake it - like the guy from Office Space, who stopped showing up for work and still somehow ended up with a promotion.
Ethan: It's not that Anne can't hold a job, it's simply that she hasn't found one yet that can hold her. Her resume reads like a first grader's "What I want to be when I grow up" list. She's been a preschool teacher, a dancer (No, not THAT kind of dancer) and a horse trainer among other things. Her reasons for leaving each job are even more interesting than the jobs themselves: She stopped teaching because she was tired of parents telling her that their two-year-olds were gifted and that they preferred non-fiction texts. She quit dancing because she felt that the body image issues surrounding dancers were unhealthy, and she left horse training for a lot of reasons, most of which were smelly, steamy and required constant disposal. Her desire to try new things will keep her employed passionately - although possibly randomly - for a long time.
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