I just realized that when it comes to neckties, I’m a total hypocrite. Let me explain:
This past summer, I was at a wedding and one of the other male guests had on a novelty wedding tie. The tie had a navy background, with a series of wedding related words written across the front white lettering. The words weren’t forming a sentence, it was just a stream of consciousness:
Bride Groom Love Joy Marriage Peace Happiness
And these words were repeated up and down the length of the tie so that from far away the tie actually looked kind of nice – navy with a white cursive pattern. But then when you got up close, it looked like the guy was wearing a thesaurus. In short, it was completely ridiculous.
As with most things that are ridiculous, though, there was an element of comedy, too. This came in the form of the faux-compliments that this guy kept receiving. Lines like, “Did you design that tie yourself?” and “I bet you’re a friend of the groom’s parents.”
And yet, here we are months later and the holidays have arrived. My brother’s birthday is on December 23rd, and every year my family goes out for a big dinner on the 23rd to celebrate. And every year, without fail, I wear a Christmas tie. My current one of choice is a dark blue tie with tiny green Christmas trees.
In the interest of full disclosure, though, I should confess that I’ve had some crazy ones in the past. For a while I fancied a red one with Santa Clauses on it. It also had a little button you could push that would play “Here Comes Santa Claus.” That’s right: I wore that item of clothing. Repeatedly.
And I’m not the only one in my family to do this. My dad and my brother-in-law are staunch Christmas tie enthusiasts. In fact, my brother is the only one who doesn’t participate, and he’s mocked as a result (on his birthday, no less).
Here’s where it gets really crazy: my dad and I were talking on the phone about past Christmas ties we’ve owned, and he reminded me that he used to have one that was navy with red lettering. And the pattern was just an endless stream of holiday words:
Joy Merry Cheer Reindeer Peace Carols
I remember this tie very well. And it had to have been made by the same company that made that awful wedding tie. The patterns were exactly the same. Heck, they both used the word “peace.” But, of course, I admired my dad’s tie and mocked the one that this perfectly nice stranger was wearing at a wedding.
How do I reconcile my behavior?
It would be easy to say that the holidays are an exception but that’s a cop out. A lot of people may own Christmas ties, but that doesn’t mean it’s less odd than owning a Labor Day-themed tie. (What would that pattern be, by the way? People grilling?)
I have thought about this for days, and have come up with one answer: I was wrong to mock that guy at the wedding. He was enthusiastic and proud to show it. I hope he has ties with words for every occasion:
- College Graduation:Degree Tuition Job Money Do-Something-With-Your Life
- Business Trip: Meetings Clients Presentation Starwood Points Getting-Drunk-at-the-Lobby-Bar
- Funeral: Sad Memories Eulogy Will Inheritance
- Retirement: Old Pension Golf Grandkids Gallbladder-Problems
- Homicide Detective: Clues Blood Witness Motive DNA Witty-Remarks-About-the-Dead-Guy
So if anyone ridicules my holiday ties this season, be warned: mocking is for cowards. It takes a real man to wear a tie with wreaths on it. (I wish I knew where that one was.)
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