Our Story
He's been scripting out a story for me before the very foundations of time... (Eric & Leslie Ludy)
Before the Beginning
to love what God commands and desire what he promises... -E. Elliot
I'm crazy about my God. He is more than just an abstract being. He's the very essence of my life. A terrible amount of time in my life has been wasted running from him and trying desperately to hide in darkness ~ but always the light and grace and faithfulness of his love has called me back.
Most of my teenage years were spent being swirled about in the greatest romance story I've ever encountered. For although I've realized how crazy I am about God... It is hard to believe that he is crazy about me.
Somewhere during those years I surrendered my "love life" into the hands of my God. I figured that any plan he had was far better than anything I could dream up.
However, saying that did not stop me from lusting after romance. Not from God but from a man. And God, being the jealous God he is, began calling me to a higher committment. Into a sacred romance meant for just the two of us.
So, after a particularly hard relationship (rather longing for one with a certain boy) I came crawling to the feet of Jesus saying, "Take this burden from me. I can't seem to stay committed to you alone. Seperate me unto yourself."
He answered me, "My daughter... if you truly long for this you must give up- not only this man but your right to choose one."
My father came to me several days later and offered, unaware of the conversation that God and I had, to search out a husband for me.
I agreed. From that day on I left the "looking" in my father's hands and tried my best to follow God. He led me here and there... over seas, to different states, across streets and through cities.
I didn't do it perfect. My gaze wandered many times... searching. I prayed often for strength. And the only allowance I gave myself was a journal written to my husband. Into that I poured my dreams and prayers and longings. And through that God drew my gaze daily back to himself.
Dreams.
the promise of this dream...
Around this time I had a dream. When I awoke I wrote down everything I could remember. This is the abridged version:
I was standing in a group of people. They were obviously friends of mine. Every little while some would leave and others would come. After a bit I became aware of someone who was watching me. I hadn't noticed the exact time that he joined the group but once my eye was caught he walked towards me.
He smiled at me then picked me up and began walking away.
At first I was a bit put-out. Who was this guy? What gave him the right?
But as we walked he began to talk. He told the story of his longings and his dreams. He looked at me and said, "Share my dreams with me."
I didn't know what to think.
After awhile we stopped at the top of a hill. There, out in the open, was a dance floor. It was beautiful wood. Polished. Flawless. There were people standing around it but no one was dancing. The man walked into the middle of the floor then slowly set me on my feet.
"Why aren't the people dancing?" I asked him.
He looked at me. He smiled. "Because this is our dance floor. I made it for you. So that we could dance together." He answered me.
"But you couldn't have known me when you were building this." I was confused as I looked around, then back at him.
"I had the promise of you. I built it and I prayed for you then I searched until I found you." He answered.
Right then vivid pictures began flashing through my mind. Him working. Sweating. Pounding nails. Sanding. Varnishing. Work. Work. Work. Just to dance with me.
We started dancing. And I cried.
When I woke up I felt God say, "This is what I have for you." And right then a love began growing in my heart for the man God had seperated for me.
Radiance.
It is a safe thing to trust him to fulfill the desire which he creates. - A. Carmichael
Amos and I knew each other for quite awhile. Or rather, knew "of" each other. It wasn't until December of 2006 that we talked directly.
He was my brother's friend. A few years older than me. I knew he owned a farm. Worked on tractors. Seemed like a nice guy.
Little did I know that he had been watching me for some time.
In fact, I was so oblivious to everything that it took my father inviting him over for dinner to open my eyes. We met (again). We talked.
Even after that first dinner it took a little time to fully convince me that he was serious. In 2007 I spent the better part of the first six months in Brazil helping a missionary family. When I came home for good- our "courtship" became serious fast.
We didn't date in the usual sense. Mostly we talked. We talked about everything you can imagine. Our past. Our present. Our future. Our dreams. Our fears. Our nightmares. Our passions. Our visions. Our joys. Our pain. And God. We talked a lot about God.
By the end of the first "intense" week of courtship I knew without a doubt that this was the man God had been telling me about. I wasn't "in love" in a worldly sense but I was completely confident that this was the man for me.
I met his parents (as his girlfriend- not just as a random girl at church) and he met my extended family. Some thought we were crazy to be talking about marriage so soon. But they hadn't sat through our discussions. And they hadn't watched every promise from God play out in our lives.
I chose to love him. It wasn't an emotional choice. It was definitely a factual decision. I was attracted to him. Both physically and emotionally. And most importantly- spiritually. This was it.
Then he took me to his farm. We drove up the hill. There settled at the top was his farm. It's a beautiful farm. He told me how much he had prayed for someone to share his life with him. And I fell.
I mean... head-over-heels, crazy-can't-see-straight, I-can't-believe-he's-mine IN LOVE.
Not because his farm is so beautiful (although i do love it) but because I recognized him from my dream. And all that love that had been growing... building up for the man who would care for me so deeply... spilled out.
Joy.
I will never have to go back to the day before you. - Rascal Flatts
He proposed on the farm. In the living room of his house.
I said yes.
My father's approval had been given from the start (He HAD invited him over for dinner after all) so it was an easy decision to make.
Who wouldn't say yes when the most wonderful man in the world is laying his heart at your feet?
