Hark! Stories that are sure to confound and amaze, dazzling both you, the reader, and I, your humble narrator, with my astounding memory for even the most mundane of details! OOOOH! ... oh wait, I'm illiterate.
It was autumn in the year of our Lord 2005. The sunny skies and clear weather betrayed the distinct chill in the air. I was but a young lad barely in my 20th year, and I was a slightly nervous child that morning, as I was about to embark on my very first day of college, and knew not what to wear. Please be informed dear reader, the potential to be late for class or to get a professor from hell is nary a thought in the mind of the gentleman, but properly coordinating one's chartreuse hoodie with a sea foam scarf is paramount! Which, funnily enough, is what I almost wore. But after deliberation, decided was a wee bit lavender. In it's stead, I chose a thick corduroy blazer with a striped button-up shirt, a classic college look! Quickly slipping the blazer over my well-toned arms, I bounded to my car to make a mad dash for the classes in which I had dutifully registered.
Arriving punctually, I astounded classmate and teacher alike with my rapier wit and stunning knowledge of all subjects. You, dear reader, may be thinking this was an extraordinary day, but for one such as I it is but a trifle. But all that changed when I got to Japanese class. At first it was just like all the other classes; I sailed gracefully towards what would surely be yet another A to add to my already burgeoning GPA, when it happened! A student had entered the class late, and when I looked up, it was a sight I will never forget!
The most stunning creature I had ever laid eyes upon! Her eyes were a brown million miles, beckoning me into her warm embrace, which I would gladly stay for an eternity! Silently I cursed both her tardiness and my punctuality, for there were no seats next to me! Class became an unendurable hell of foreign moonspeak, of which there was no end in sight! After a grueling hour of Japanese, class was at a merciful end.
Now was my chance! As I strode confidently towards her, I found my eyes had deceived me, for her beauty was even greater up close! "Pray tell, dear woman, what is your name, so that I may beckon you closer to me!" "My name is Lori." She replied, as she tossed her magnificent chestnut locks which caught the light like a thousand prisms. "Lori! I can only assume after the Lorikeet, but I dare say compared to your beauty even the majestic phoenix would lose it's color, save for perhaps an envious green for your resplendence! I beseech you, accompany me to Fazoli's, that I may live a life free of want, for you will complete this shuddering mass of flesh that was once called... A MAN."
And the rest, as they say, is history.