You're Invited (by John and Benz Rana of Weddings at Work)
If it’s your first time attending a wedding, what follows is a simple guide of Dos & Don’ts to get through such a social event. Note that we made these questions up so allow us to be sarcastic and blunt with some of our responses to ourselves.

Questions & Answers

Q. I got an invite but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?

A.First thing’s first. If you won’t be able to attend for whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to another guest in their “waitlist.” Having that out of the way, let’s get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.

Q. The envelope bears only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?

A. Don’t bring a date unless your invitation specifically says “and Guest.” Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither should you ask the couple’s permission if you may bring one or not. Don’t put your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don’t really like turning down people. So how would you know if their “Yes” means yes or not? Spare them that trouble.

Q. The invite says “Mr. & Mrs.” Could we bring our kids?

A. Never bring the kids unless “& Family” is indicated. Soon-to-weds don’t usually invite children for a good reason. Kids get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the reception means added two mouths to feed - the kid’s and the yaya’s.

Follow-up Q. But my son/daughter is the bearer/flower girl. I’m sure it’s understood that my other child is invited.

A. Which part of the answer above didn’t you understand? Seriously, if the couple wanted to invite your other kid, they would have specified that on the envelope.

2nd follow-up Q. But I’m breastfeeding, I’m sure my friends will understand, won’t they?

A. Granting that it’s an infant and he or she won’t eat at the reception - let’s even assume that your baby won’t wail at the church - the answer is still NO! Not even if you’ve perfected the art of being a cow in a long gown. Four words: Breast Pump and Babysitter!

Q. I don’t have a clue what gift to give them. Any ideas?

A. The average Pinoy soon-to-wed would always prefer monetary gifts more than any other gift. It is the unspoken fact. We’re telling you now to make it easier for them to let you know what they REALLY want; unless they indicated that already in their invites which, by the way, is a very tacky thing to do.

If you’re not comfortable giving cash, you may ask the couple where they are registered (Gift / Bridal Registry) and choose from what’s listed under their names in the store. You can also ask them where they’re residing after the wedding and take the cue from there. If you know that they’ll be migrating abroad or living with their parents for the time being, a ref or another oven toaster may not be the most practical and logical gift.

Q. I’m convinced. So how much cash should I give them? I don’t want to give too little or too much.

A. That’s a hard thing to answer. It’s really a case-to-case thing. Try to put yourself in the couple’s shoes. How much should a guest of your stature give you without being branded a cheapskate? Also consider your relationship with the couple. If you’re good friends of the couple’s parents, you’ll probably shell-out more than if you were simply the bride’s Girl Friday.

Q. Could I skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception?

A. You can. BUT you shouldn’t! You are invited to THE wedding — that’s the part where they exchange their “I dos.” The reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can’t be ‘received’ if you are already seated in the hall, right? “Patay-gutom” is too harsh a word and we assure you that it’s by no means what anyone would think if indeed you decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just mentioning the word in that context, isn’t it?

Q. Speaking of the Receiving Line, what should be the proper greeting?

A. Here’s the rule: Say “Congratulations” to the groom and “Best Wishes” to the bride. The reason behind is that “congrats” implies that someone has caught something or won a prize, and it is rather improper to imply that the bride “caught” the man who married her. If this rule gets mixed-up in your head come wedding day, just say the two phrases together and look at both of them. That usually works!

Likewise, saying “Good Luck!” no matter how pure your wishes are will also sound very inappropriate for obvious reasons.

Q. Nice try, but what if the couple makes a Grand Entrance and left the Receiving Line to their parents? What then should I tell them? Note that I don’t even know which sets of parents are whose.

A. Didn’t we tell you already not to skip the ceremony? The bride and groom usually walk alongside their respective parents at the very start!

Anyway, make your pleasantries short and sweet. Shake their hands and say “Hello! I’m (your name) and I went to school with (name of bride/groom) in (school’s name)/an officemate of (name of bride/groom) at (name of company).” They usually respond with “Nice meeting you.” Just smile, nod politely, and move on to the next person. If one replies “Hi! I’ve heard so much about you!”, simply smile and nod just the same. No lengthy conversation; just make small talk at most. If you can’t find the words to say, just smile again, nod politely, and move.

Q. During the banquet, is there anything I need to know?

A. Nowadays, the Reception Program usually have the guests on each table stand up and have their picture taken with the couple before being led to the buffet. This is done to resolve two issues of past weddings: (a) for the couple’s convenience and skip the tiring Table-Hopping ritual just to have their picture taken with all their guests; and (b) for the guests’ convenience so they won’t have to wait very long for their turn in the buffet line.

Keep in mind that Buffet is NOT synonymous with “Eat-All-You-Can.” Do not pile your plate full. Be courteous of those who have yet to be served. Don’t worry. You can easily go for seconds.

Q. I’m used to a Buffet setting, but what if it’s a formal Sit-Down Dinner? Which fork do I start with again?

A. You’re on your own, pal. Watch “Pretty Woman” again and see how Julia Roberts nailed it!

Be Our Guest (by Jett Pe Benito)
A lot of you have may have gone to numerous weddings and some of you may have yet to attend one. As a guest, you become part of the whole ceremony and must do your share in ensuring that the celebration is one filled with joy, fun and love. The following are reminders on how to become the perfect guest and make the couple glad they invited you.

The Invitation

When you receive your invitation, take a look at the name/s. If your name appears with an appendage "and guest" then you can bring someone along. But if it simply states your name and no one else’s, then be courteous enough to follow this. It is in bad form to ask the couple who invited you if you can bring someone with you as you know that the cost of the reception is usually based on the number of people in attendance. If there is no indication that you can bring children along, then it is best to leave the little ones at home.

RSVP means "respondez s’il vous plait" (please reply) so respond promptly to help the couple decide on the place cards for the reception.

Strictly follow the dress code or required attire. Dress up in such a way that you won’t be grabbing the limelight from the couple nor should you be so underdressed that you’d stick out like a sore thumb.

The Ceremony

Be on time for the ceremony. But should you find yourself running late, as you get to the wedding venue, discreetly enter and sit at the back row making use of the side aisles to get to your seat. If you find the doors locked, then resign yourself to the fact that you may have to sit out the ceremony.

If you’re attending a wedding that has a different denomination to yours, be observant and respectful of its rituals. Simply exclude yourself from any of the rituals that may require participation on the part of the guests with the same denomination as that of the couple.

Refrain from taking too many pictures while the ceremony is underway. Usually, an official photographer has been commissioned to capture the event and you could request your own set afterwards.

The Reception

It is not advisable to go straight to the reception if you find yourself running just a little bit late for the wedding ceremony. Should you fail to attend the majority of the ceremony, wait for it to end and be part of the convoy to the reception venue. Do not go straight to the reception venue as this will give the impression that you’re only there for socializing and not for the wedding itself.

A formal table setting of a full-course meal is always a cause for concern for those who are not so familiar with how to work the numerous sized utensils. Just remember to start using the utensils found at the outermost part of the setting and work your way inward.

Do not cause a stir if you find the food served not to your liking. If you don’t like it, then don’t eat it. Neither should you force your preference on the couple by requesting that you be served a different dish at the reception. Remember that you may be the guest but the couple is the most important part of the celebration.

The Gift

Your gift to them is who you are and is a representation of how well you know the couple and their needs. Check out the couple’s gift registry. If you decide to get one on your own, always operate on the elements of functionality and design. Also, check the plans of the couple after the wedding. Will they be relocating to a far place thus making transportation of gifts difficult? Will they be moving into a new house? Do they need appliances or house accessories? All of these considerations will help a lot in coming up with a gift that the couple will truly appreciate and use.

Be Glad

Inviting someone to a wedding takes a lot of time and consideration on the part of the couple. As a guest, you have been given the honor that shows that the couple sees you as someone important to them. So celebrate and support the couple by being a gracious guest and show the couple how important they are to you.