Jewish Traditions
Here is a description of some of the wedding customs you will see in action at our wedding.
Act 1: Preparations
We will prepare ourselves mentally and spiritually for the day through two rituals. We will each take a dip in a mikveh (ritual bath). We will also be fasting on the day of the wedding. Both of these emphasize the solemnity of the day and the purity of heart with which we enter into our new obligations.
Before the ceremony begins, Miriam and Sylvie will be having separate receptions called Kabbalat Panim (literally, receiving faces). We will greet our guests and there will be singing and rejoicing. To begin the festivities, our friends and family will dance us to one another, symbolizing the joyous joining of our two families.
At this point witnesses will sign our ketubah, a document that describes our obligations to one another and our expectations for our marriage. Our ketubah is a traditional egalitarian text based on medieval Palestinian ketubot.
As a final prelude to the ceremony, we will clothe each other in veils to set each other apart and symbolize our desire to protect and shield each other throughout life. In a ritual called the Bedecken, we will place the veil over each others' faces, calling to mind Biblical stories of our ancestors-Rebecca, who covered herself when she first saw her future husband Isaac, and Jacob, who was tricked into marrying Leah instead of her sister Rachel because he didn't check under the veil first!
Act 2: The Ceremony
In our ceremony we have tried to hew close to tradition where possible. However, the very nontraditional nature of our relationship required some changes. Thus, our ceremony is a fusion of our ancestors' traditions and new approaches.
The Chuppah
The wedding canopy, or chuppah, symbolizes the home that we will build together as a couple, supported by our families and friends. It is open on all four sides to emphasize the Jewish value of hospitality and welcoming the stranger.
When both of us have reached the chuppah, we will circle each other seven times. Each circle symbolizes the joining of the seven spheres that define each one's spiritual soul. Once the circling is complete, the ceremony will begin.
Kiddushin
First, the blessing over a cup of wine, the symbol of joy and sanctification, will be recited.
Then we will recite these words to each other as we place rings on each others fingers:
"With this ring, I wish to be married to you, in harmony with the Torah of Moses and Israel."
We used the passive construction, "I wish to be married to you," instead of the traditional "you are married to me," to create a more egalitarian phrasing. We chose the word "harmony" instead of the traditional "according to" to reflect the nontraditional nature of our relationship.
In between the first and second parts of the ceremony, the ketubah will be read aloud.
Nisuin
Nisuin is the second section of a Jewish wedding ceremony. It consists of seven blessings (sheva brachot) recited under the chuppah over a cup of wine. The blessings connect us to creation, humanity, and tradition, and express our hope for a day when all people will be able to experience joy and peace. In some of the blessings, we have changed the words bride and groom to lover and friend. These words describe our relationship while keeping the rhythmic structure of the Hebrew intact. We are excited to have members of our family and friends reciting these blessings.
Here are the sheva brachot we will be using:
1. Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.
2. Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who created everything for Your glory.
3. Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who formed the first human.
4. Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who created humanity in Your image, patterned after Your image and likeness, and enabled them to perpetuate this image. Blessed are You, Eternal, who created humanity.
5. Bring joy and exultation to the barren one [Israel] as her children are joyfully gathered to her. Blessed are You, Eternal, who makes Zion glad with her children.
6. Grant great joy to these loving companions, as You once gladdened your creations in the Garden of Eden. Blessed are you, Eternal, who gladdens the lover and friend.
7. Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who created joy and gladness, lover and friend, mirth, glad song, pleasure and delight, love and harmony, peace and companionship. May it be your will Eternal our God that there will soon be heard in the cities of Judah and streets of Jerusalem the voice of joy, the voice of gladness, the voice of the lover, and the voice of the friend, the sound of lover and friend rejoicing under the wedding canopy and of youths feasting and singing. Blessed are You, Eternal, who gladdens the lover and the friend.
Breaking of the Glass
We will each break a glass at the end of the ceremony. There are many reasons cited for this tradition, here are several that resonate with us. While we are experiencing a joyous event, we recognize that the world is a fragile and broken place. Breaking the glass reminds us of our obligation to repair and heal the world. We also recognize that the institution of marriage needs mending, and we hope for and work towards the day when all people, regardless of sexual orientation and state of residence, will be able to have their marriages recognized by religious and secular authorities.
Yichud
We will disappear for about 15 minutes just after the ceremony to have some private time together as a married couple. In earlier generations, this was the first time that the bride and groom could be alone together. Two friends will stand guard while we reflect on the beginning of our new life together.
Act 3: The Party
Guests at a Jewish wedding are obligated to rejoice with the couple. So enjoy! There will be a cocktail hour, followed by dinner and dancing.
The Shtick
Wedding Guests are obligated to entertain and make the couple happy. Over the years, this tradition has been taken quite literally and evolved into "shtick." Hundreds of years ago, this may have involved hiring a jester, but we know we don't need to hire out. Ridiculous dances, songs, and general merry-making are highly encouraged.
The Dancing
Jewish-style dancing to klezmer music will begin the celebration. There are no required steps, just join in and have fun! People will often join hands and dance around in a circle together.
The Meal
The dinner has the status of a seudat mitzvah, a meal we are commanded to eat as part of the wedding celebration. We will begin with Hamotzi, the blessing thanking God for food, and will end the meal with Birkat Hamazon, the grace after meals. The words to Birkat Hamazon can be found in the little books near your seats, which you are welcome to take home at the end of the night. After Birkat Hamazon, the Sheva Brachot (seven blessings) that we already heard during the ceremony will be recited again, also by friends and family members.
