The Ceremony
We were legally married 6 months before our wedding, and since we had no religious officiant present, many people have asked us why we even had a wedding at all. For us, a wedding meant an opportunity to publicly declare our love and intentions for the future while celebrating with our families, who had never met each other before that time.
We wrote every word of our wedding ceremony, paying careful attention to the meaning it delivered. As a non-religious couple, we found most traditional wedding scripts did not say something that was meaningful to us. We found ourselves discussing whether our love was "eternal," or if it just died when we did. You can guess what we concluded. Tom even questioned the term "vow," instead opting for stating a clear "I will" for each promise.
We are sharing our ceremony on this website to show that a non-religious wedding ceremony can be done, and can be done beautifully, and also to provide some ideas for other non-religious couples.
Processional
Best Man escorts Grandmother of the Groom down center aisle.
Man of Honor escorts Grandmother of the Bride down center aisle.
Groom is escorted by both parents down the right aisle and stop half way.
Bride is escorted by both parents down the left aisle.
When Bride has reached the half-way point, all continue walking towards the front.
Symbolically, the couple is led to each other by all their parents, meeting equally in the middle.
Welcome, read by the Best Man
On behalf Rebecca and Tom I welcome all of you, and am happy that you could join us for this marriage celebration. By your presence, you celebrate with them the love they have discovered in each other and you support their decision to commit themselves to a lifelong relationship. We are all here today to rejoice in the ways life has led them to each other and brought them to the place where they now stand.
Rebecca and Tom have also asked me to acknowledge those who could not be here today to join in our celebration.
I now ask Rebecca's aunt, Amy, to join us here to share something about marriage.
Marriage, read by Aunt of the Bride
Marriage is so much more than a noun; it is a daily act between two people who have promised to dedicate their lives to the wellbeing of something larger than their individual selves. It is a life that they will create, day by day, as a couple.
Neither is marriage a mere ceremony. It is an ongoing and conscious commitment to the future, a reaching beyond the present moment to trust that the inevitable sorrows you will confront will be halved, and the multitude of joys you will be blessed with, will be doubled by each other’s loving presence.
According to Chief Justice Marshall, “marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family… Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express common humanity, marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”
I want to offer my deepest respect for the understanding you both bring to this most important and personal decision. I love you and know deep in my heart that you will treat this happy and momentous ceremony as only the first step in a lifetime of loving acts that make up a marriage of true minds.
Now Jeremy will explain the significance of today's date which Tom and Rebecca have chosen for this wedding.
The Equinox, read by the Man of Honor
During the summer months, Earth's northern hemisphere tilts towards the sun, resulting in longer days than nights. The opposite is true in the winter. Twice each year are special days, called equinoxes, when periods of light and darkness are approximately equal all over the world. Tom and Rebecca entered into their legal union on the Fall equinox and now celebrate their marriage with their families on the day following the Spring equinox. They could think of no better times of year to represent the equal partnership on which they are embarking.
I now invite Tom's aunt, Millie, to share a reading about love.
Love, read by Aunt of the Groom
Tom and Rebecca have asked me to share an excerpt from the book "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" by Louis de Bernieres.
Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.
Vows, facilitated by Man of Honor
We've come to the point of your ceremony where you're going to say your vows to one another. But before you do that, remember that love – which is rooted in trust and acceptance - will be the foundation of an abiding and deepening relationship. No other ties are more tender, no other vows more important than those you now assume. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today, not because of any religious or civic law, but out of a desire to love and be loved by another person fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility.
Please now read the vows you have written for each other.
Tom to Rebecca:
Rebecca, it seems to me that words are weak vessels for the promises I want to make to you today. The words can hide true meaning. I don't feel like I need to mix any fancy words to tell you what I intend. So I am going to say this in the simplest terms I can think of. I want to make clear to you:
That I will always be true to you
That I will support you and love you in good and bad times
That I will be your mate and partner as long as we live
And that I will, every day, enjoy your being in my life.
Rebecca to Tom:
Tom, I have chosen you to be my partner for life.
Today, in front of the people who love us, I am pledging to strengthen my commitment to you.
I will give you the best of myself and ask of you no more than you can give.
I will hold your hand and stand beside you in times of joy and sorrow.
I will listen to your hopes and dreams, while doing all I can to help you obtain them.
I will respect you as I respect myself, for your successes and despite your failures.
I will work at our love and always make you a priority in my life.
I will be truthful and never withholding, so you have no reason to doubt the sincerity of my vows.
Family Vows, facilitated by the Man of Honor
Two people in love do not live in isolation. Their love is a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but also the world around them. And in turn, we, their community of friends and family, have a responsibility to this couple. By our steadfast care, respect, and love, we can support their marriage and the new family they are creating today.
Will everyone please rise?
[Audience stands]
Each of you, by your presence here today, has shown a willingness to support this marriage. May you always stand beside them, never between them. Offer them your love and your support, not your judgment. Encourage them when encouragement is needed and listen to them when they ask for advice. In these ways, you can honor this marriage into which they have come to be joined today.
Family members of Rebecca and Tom, will you offer love and support to strengthen their marriage and accept their family as created by this union? Please answer by saying, "We do."
[Audience responds]
Thank you, you may be seated.
[Audience sits]
Now I'd like Rebecca's sister, Amanda, to come up to discuss the rings.
Ring Exchange, facilitated by the Sister of the Bride
Wedding rings have long been used as meaningful symbols. The ring is a circle which has no end, representing that the love and commitment between you will never cease. It is also placed on your finger as a visible sign and ever present reminder of the vows which you have made to each other. Tom, as you place this ring on Rebecca's finger, repeat after me the promise the two of you have written earlier.
Please accept this ring as a symbol of my love for you.
Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side
and that I will always be a devoted partner to you.
Rebecca, as you place this ring on Tom's finger, please repeat after me the same promise
Now, may the love that has brought you together continue to grow and enrich your lives. May you meet with courage the problems that arise to challenge you and may your relationship always be one of love and trust. May the happiness you share today be with you always and may you honor and keep alive the promises you have made today all the days of your lives.
I now present to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Rebecca and Tom Essenpreis.
So, what do you think, everyone? Should they kiss now?
