Size of the Guest List
He has a huge family and more friends than you can count. Meanwhile, your guest list will barely crack 20 people. Even more than the budget, couples and their families will often disagree on the size of the event. This can be an especially contentious fight when the “side” that wants a larger guest list isn’t the one footing the bill.
You can handle this in a number of ways, but the best is often a compromise on numbers, and then some “rules” governing who will be invited. For example, each side can have 50 guests, and you keep it to family members and close friends only. Remember that you can invite a select group of people to the ceremony and then a larger list to the reception (but never the reverse) if that makes the situation easier.
Usually the overall budget isn’t the biggest source of arguments a couple might have. After all, a bottom line is a bottom line. But couples often disagree over how that money ought to be spent because of differing priorities or preferences. He might be balking at the cost of your wedding dress, while you might be incredulous over how much he wants to spend on the honeymoon.
Try taking anything off the table that truly offends or infuriates your partner. For example, if he is a recovering alcoholic, you can understand why he doesn’t want to spend so much money on signature drinks. Each of you should be able to have something that matters to you, and compromise on the rest. This type of conversation is perfect for premarital counseling, as it gets to the core of your spending philosophies.
Exes at the Wedding
These days, many exes stay friends long after the relationship has ended. But just because he still keeps in touch with his college girlfriend, doesn’t mean that you are eager to see her at your wedding (or on his side of the wedding party). Or perhaps you have a former boyfriend that is an old family friend, but your groom is less than thrilled at the idea of inviting him.
Ultimately, even if it isn’t the most reasonable argument, you need to respect your partner’s feelings. It’s not worth the dark cloud hanging over your wedding day. However, make sure that there aren’t bigger trust issues at play here. If so, make sure to talk to a therapist or your religious adviser and resolve these feelings before the big day.
We love our parents, but maybe they aren’t the kindest version of themselves with their child’s partner. If your partner feels like your parents are treating them poorly, try to keep an objective opinion. Often our parents can be much different to us than our significant others. Also, it could simply be a misunderstanding due to communication styles.
Remember that during the engagement (and even into your marriage), you are the representative for your family during this process. This means that if your mother is being demanding or difficult, you should work towards resolving that yourself (not hoping that it blows over or making your partner do it for you). If you think it is a misunderstanding, work alongside your partner to resolve it.
You’re completely consumed with wedding planning. It’s been so much fun deciding which flowers will be in the centerpieces and choosing the flavor of the wedding cake. Unfortunately, that means that the two of you haven’t had a whole lot of time together. He’s complaining that you’ve changed. Meanwhile, you don’t understand why he can’t empathize how big of a task wedding planning is.
Don’t let wedding planning take the place or importance of your relationship. Your event will be over in a day, but your relationship is forever. If you are having a blast with wedding planning, encourage him to be a part of it. Find a task he would love to be involved with and give him the reins.
Photography | ellAdele Photography