My son is getting married to a young woman who is a nightmare! She is demanding, selfish, and superficial. We didn't have a chance to meet her until they were practically engaged, and now that it is all happening, I wonder if I should tell my son how I feel about her. I know it is his life, but I feel like he is making a horrible mistake. --Peggy, Portland, OR
There are very few circumstances in which you should voice disapproval over the potential spouse of your child: if you feel that your child might be a victim of any type of domestic abuse, if the potential spouse has misrepresented themselves to your child and/or family (for example, you find out that they aren't employed where they said they were, etc.), or if your reservations are so severe that you are willing to sacrifice a relationship with your child in order to tell them.
If your son asks you your opinion, instead of being completely honest, try suggesting a family dinner. It could be you just don't know her well enough yet. Some people make a terrible first impression. Chances are, if your son wants to marry her, there is something redeemable that he fell in love with. Try and get to know her from his perspective. And it could be that you'll never like her and that you are facing countless Christmases where you have to force yourself to be polite. But that's better than offending both of them to the point that you never see your son during the holidays, right?
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