engagement ring pinky swear

Your mother is in town, your boss just issued an impossible deadline, the wedding is in three weeks, and your beloved groom?  He's on the couch, bingewatching "The Blacklist" without a care in the world.  Or perhaps he's the one causing all the stress, from micromanaging the dj's playlist to driving the caterers crazy with last-minute menu changes.  Whether you have an under or over-involved groom, chances are you need things to change fast.  Here are 3 simple ideas to change your groom's wedding planning attitude:

1.  Have the conversation.

First, make sure to calm down.  Nothing ends a conversation before it begins like a meltdown.  Seriously, do not be the crazy bride.  I know, it's tempting because you feel like the crazy bride.  But try to keep her hidden just a little while longer, okay?

For the under-involved groom: Explain that you are feeling overwhelmed and could really use his help. You know why men usually don't help?  They aren't asked.  So, ask.  Tell him his input and assistance would be in valuable, and ask him to do something specific based upon his skills.

For the over-involved groom:  Calmly thank him for all of his planning help, but also let him know that he is adding to your stress level.  Ask him why he is being such a wedding planning tyrant (and yes, choose nicer words). Does he think that by taking charge he is helping you out?  Does he just want this wedding to be as perfect as you do?  Come up with ways for you to share the duties and communicate more kindly with each other.

bride handing groom a flower

2.  What is your groom great at?

For the under-involved groom:  It's not going to be enough for you to say that you need help and then just leave it there. Give him a direction, a problem to solve.  What part of your wedding will he be most interested in?  What task speaks to his skills, talents, and hobbies?  If he's a music buff, have him be in charge of the playlist.  Is he a graphic designer?  Put him in charge of the wedding website and designing the invitations.

For the over-involved groom:  If your groom has been involved in every major wedding decision, he's going to need help figuring out what tasks he has truly excelled at, and which ones would be better served on your plate.  Give him credit where credit is due. Did he completely win at the venue contract?  Thanks to his efforts, did you manage to book the most sought-after wedding band in town?  Mention these specific accomplishments, and make sure to ask him to take care of similar tasks in the future.

3.  Go on a date night.  Stat.

Whether he has been completely crazy for wedding planning or has totally avoided all things taffeta, you guys could probably use a night away.  Focus on your relationship and the groom probably won't be as obsessed with planning or as reticent about it.  Go out and DO NOT DISCUSS anything remotely wedding related.


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